If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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