OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
