how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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