Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
