I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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