Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
