I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize