tequila makes me forget i have legs
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
