Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize