God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
