Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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