so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
