so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
