My nipple is on Facebook.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
