First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
