Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
