Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
