Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
