they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
