i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
