Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
