she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
