Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
