I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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