I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
