Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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