So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
