Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
