No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Randomize
