i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
