He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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