Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
