im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
