I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
