walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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