so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
