I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
