need another drink. this is the easiest way
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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