Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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