you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
