If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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