He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
