That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
