Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
