I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
