genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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