If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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