i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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