so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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