So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
