would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
