very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
