Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
