I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
