Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize