I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
