it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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