Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize