One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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