I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
