I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
