he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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