omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
