Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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