I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
