my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
