soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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