I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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